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chapter two @ 1998 april
more life in jinzhou:
st. patrick's day in china & other strange phenomena.
Today is the four week anniversary of my arrival at Jinzhou. Things continue to go well. The students and the staff at the Jinzhou Teachers' College continue to be a delight to work with. The people in the city, particularly at the shops and stalls around the College are getting used to seeing the "waiguoren's" [foreigners and I am gaining quite a few Chinese "pengyoumen" [friends] in the College and in the city. I hope you all are enjoying these "little" e-mails as much as I am enjoying writing them. This new venture has been a great source of both material and motivation for writing. I find that after hearing very little English all day (except the sound of my own voice giving two hour lectures), it is great to sit down and pound out a few pages of English on any subject. And I have found no dearth of subjects here. The culture in the East and the culture in the West are very different. It is exciting to be a first-hand witness to the differences and to be able to share these, vicariously, with all of you. My beat-up old laptop has had some major crashes while working on this issue and the coursework has started to pile up so I'm a little late in getting this out after I did the first draft. But here it is. So make a cup of "cha" [tea] sit back and enjoy!
(or my chinese birthday party)
March 17, 1998. Jinzhou City, China. This has been the only hard day of my trip so far. I am really missing being in Cleveland on St. Patrick's Day. Hell, even when I was at Notre Dame, I came home to Cleveland for St. Patrick's Day three of the four years I was there. (The one year I didn't was because Gerald Ford came to ND that day). But we do have a 13 hour time difference here so I get a head start on you guys. One of the classes I am teaching this term is Survey of Great Britain which covers the history, geography and culture of Great Britain. (The Chinese assume that Americans and the English are pretty much the same - much like most Westerners assume China and Japan are fungible). As my Irish Luck would have it, my lecture on the history of the Troubles fell on St. Patrick's Day. I also taught each of my classes about the meaning of St. Patrick's Day to the Irish and to the Irish in Cleveland. The Chinese are VERY cognizant of ancestral background and respectful of the idea that many Americans identify with their ancestral (nationality) roots. The Chinese recognize that if your great-great grandparents (which generationaly is not that far back for China) were from Ireland, then, of course, you are Irish. That coupled with my expressed views of the English treatment of the Irish throughout her history won over many of my students. Some even wore green to the next class. I also passed out some St. Patrick Day stickers in class and they were greatly amused by the leprechauns and shamrocks. (The Chinese seem constantly "amused" by our western traditions). Teacher Donna (Canada) and Teacher Kerryn (Australia) are both of Scottish descent. Despite that, they agreed to help me celebrate and organize the First Annual Jinzhou City St. Patrick's Day Parade. The three of us marched out through the campus' main gate dressed in green. Of course, as usual whenever we go anywhere, many people stopped and stared and small children followed us down the street for a bit. It wasn't quite like St. Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland but then I've not seen any snakes here yet. Donna said she knew a Western bar but after blocks and blocks of walking up and down streets and "hutongs" [commercial alleys which are everywhere in the cities here], we gave up and walked into the next place we saw. It was a small 8 table restaurant. There really are no bars here. But all the restaurants serve alcohol. We ordered a couple of bottles of Qingdao Beer, a bottle of wine and a small bottle of this indigenous sorghum liquor which tastes not unlike rocket fuel. Rocket fuel is less combustible, however. They call it Baijiu. I call it Liquid Death. We began the evening with toasts to far away friends and to departed friends. We then settled in with our beers and I described to my Scottish friends how Cleveland celebrates St. Patrick's Day. We were soon hungry and ordered some appetizers. I saw something in the cooler that looked like octopus (which I love - the Mardi Gras Restaurant's signature dish). So I ordered it. We have found only one restaurant here with an English menu (two if you count the Hong Li Ham Burger Quick Food Restaurant as it is called). In moments my "octopus" was brought to the table and .... it had bones in it. Upon closer examination, Kerryn, who had spent last year in Paraguay, declared the dish to be Pig Trotters (or the legs of very small pigs) which she had seen served in Paraguay. The closest I can come to describing the unforgettable taste and texture of a plate of Trotters is - its like eating a plate of uncooked hot dogs with a bone in the middle. They became entirely edible though after another toast ("ganbei") of rocket fuel. "To another Chinese Surprise" was the toast, as I recall, as we dug into the plate of Trotters. It was getting late now: it was almost 8:00p.m.. (In Flats time, that's equivalent to 1:30 a.m.). We paid our tab (about US$12 - no tipping permitted) and began to make our way home. Near the college, the night market was going strong. (In many hutongs, groups of street vendors set up carts after dark and sell fruits, vegetables,, nuts and breads.) The "Trotters Combo" had left us still hungry (as we had left the Trotters Combo largely uneaten). We veered toward the night market to grab some munchies to take back to our apartments. On this particular corner there is a fairly new building and the top two floors have a mirrored-glass veneer. There is a marquee running across the roof which says "Amusement City of Little World" in English. It's that mixture of gaudiness and English which has caught our eye many times and we have wondered what is in the building. The staff and students we have asked all say they don't know. One person said he heard that people can dance there. Another said they had heard it was a bath house. Fueled by our imaginations (and yes, that nasty rice/sorghum rocket fuel) we decided to find out once and for all what The Amusement City of Little World was. We walked up to the door where three women in red tuxedoes were standing. They immediately ushered us inside. up three flights of stairs and into a very nicely laid out "disco" in velvet and chintz. Very retro. It was also dark. Within a minute the lights were turned on and about 10 staff people appeared from nowhere. The whole disco was ours. They immediately cranked up the (impressive) sound/video system and since we were westerners (Kerryn cringes each time I say that as Australia is in the Eastern Hemisphere) they intrinsically knew that we must want to hear/see Madonna videos. Which is what came pounding through the system. Plates of nuts, fruits, candies and bottles of beer were instantly on our table and we were yanked out of our chairs to dance by the staff. It took awhile, but finally Kerryn convinced them that non-stop Madonna was not our idea of great dance music by walking back to the DJ booth and shoving some Bananrama into the DJ's hands. No one spoke English. We tried to explain that we were celebrating a western holiday (it was a Tuesday night remember). It was getting lost in the translation and the music. Finally, one of them said "Birthday?". Kerryn, realizing that this was as close as we were going to get to explaining the celebration of St. Patrick's Day to the Chinese shouted, "Yes!, yes! It's his birthday, today!" pointing at me. Immediately, one of the waiters was summoned and produced a bottle of - you guessed it - more rocket fuel. "Ganbei" cried everyone at the table and we all toasted my new birthday - March 17. And then they toasted again. And yet again. (Luckily for us, they didn't insist on that American college birthday tradition of one shot for each year). Then, one of the staff got up and karaoke'd "Happy Birthday" to me. [In Jinzhou, you cannot go to a dance club and dance longer than 4 songs before they take a "Karaoke Break". Four dance songs-four Karaoke's that's the playlist everywhere.] Karaoke is an epidemic here. [Fun Fact: Karaoke, which was "invented" by the Japanese, means "empty orchestra" in Japanese - the music plays but you provide the words and singing]. By now it was approaching the witching hour. The college gates are locked at 10:00 p.m. so we bid adieu to our new pengyoumen. We had been treated as visiting royalty. We had had the run of the whole club. And we learned what the Amusement City of Little World housed. (The name apparently comes from the literal English translation of the Mandarin characters forming it's name. They decided to do this translation on a wraparound marquee on the corner of the building. Actually on the one side of the building it's spelled out backwards in English so its comes out YTIC TNEMESUMA. I am certain that this is unintentional.) Amusement City of Little World was the perfect capoff to that "Chinese Surprise" that will live in infamy as: Jinzhou's First Annual St. Patrick's Day.
For later stories about St. Patrick's day in China, go
here.
I really enjoy living here at Jinzhou Teachers' College. It's a new experience and there is much to learn. It truly is a different culture. My living conditions are very comfortable. I have a quite nice apartment with a wooden parquet floor (think "the old Boston Garden") and wood paneling on the windows and air ducts. The living room has two chairs and coffee (tea?) table, a desk, cable TV, a bookcase/hutch, small refrigerator, small washer/spin dryer (it doesn't really dry). The bedroom has a very nice, large queen-size bed (surprising since everyone here seems to be 5'5" or shorter and their are no queens in China) and a large closet. The bathroom has a "western-style" toilet. There is a shower head and a portable hot water heater hanging on the wall and as long as I remember to plug it in first thing in the morning, I can take a hot water shower (a luxury in Jinzhou). Since the whole bathroom is tiled and their is a large drain in the center of the floor, the whole bathroom serves as the shower stall. The city reminds me of Cleveland in terms of population and size and style of buildings. It just has a lot fewer cars and infinitely more bicycles. Since most people get around by foot or by bicycle, the sidewalks are more crowded (plus the Party members with cars like to drive on the sidewalks and park in front of the doors of the restaurants and shops they are visiting!). Think of Cleveland's West Side Market area on a warm Saturday afternoon and you'll get the idea. There's no need for an alarm clock here. At 6:30 a.m. most mornings (including Sundays) you awaken to the music being played all around campus from outdoor loudspeakers. The students get up at 5:20 every morning. The lights in the dorms (and sometimes the water) are turned off at 10:00 p.m. and turned back on at 5:20 a.m. That explains why the first couple of days I was surprised to see flashlights being recharged in my classrooms while I was conducting classes. They need them to study after lights-out. Students bring them to the classrooms to recharge because most of the outlets in their rooms are otherwise occupied (since there are about 10 students to a room). The first couple of days here, I was awakened by strange gurgling noises in the walls about 5:00 a.m. It was the water being turned back on in my building. They would turn off the water at night and turn it back on in the morning. (Our electricity stays on all night - the students are envious (and of our hot showers, too)). The water stays on all night now. I guess they were turning it off before to avoid frozen pipes. My room is heated but they don't seem to heat the hallways and lobby. The classrooms are not heated well either, but I am an active teacher moving around a lot so I don't notice it. But I do notice when my lectures turn boring, the students start noticing the lack of heat. Most mornings at about 6:30 a.m. (when that damn music starts) the students are out and about. Some have a P.E. class going on. Other students are out sweeping the sidewalks and the main drive into the campus. Their regular classes don't start until 8:00 a.m. Group activities, especially phys ed. is very big. All of the students assemble on the football (soccer) field again every morning at 10 for exercises. About 7:30, the staff and faculty will begin arriving on campus and many of them do group exercises before heading into their buildings to begin their day. The Medical Clinic is just across the courtyard from me (convenient if I ever get sick). Every morning at 10:00 the whole staff - nurses, doctors, clerks - all assemble in the courtyard and do 10 minutes of exercises - to another round of blaring music. Yes, it all makes me feel a little guilty, but I have so far resisted the urge to pop out of bed at 5:30 a.m. to join everyone in morning exercises. Teacher Kerryn said she really wanted to get into it, but she has only managed two morning sessions. I do my regular short workout before I shower and I play about 45 minutes of basketball, volleyball or "Bang Qiu" everyday. Oh yes, and I occasionally get in a game of badminton which is really big among the women here. They'll play badminton like we play catch - two women with racquets swatting a birdie back and forth. Except for cheating on tests, the students are incredibly polite, well-mannered and disciplined. Because of the cultural background which puts others first before yourself, the students will go to great lengths to make the teachers feel welcome. If I mention that I was trying to find something in town at a store, it is not unusual for some students to show up at my door with whatever it was I was looking for. (I wish they could find fresh coffee here - I'm sure they have looked for it trying to please us!). That same spirit, though, results in things such as a student missing class, not because they were sick but because their roommate was sick and they had to stay in the room to take care of them. Or helping their friend while taking a test because they feel responsible for the scholastic success of their best friend. (In the West, this latter activity is commonly referred to as cheating - I guess the difference lies in intent). A college freshman here will have had about 8 years of English Studies. But at the elementary and middle school levels, they have had Chinese teachers who "speak" English but no native speaking English teachers. And most of those studies are written, not oral. So when they arrive at the college, few have had actual contact with native English speakers. Nor have they had much chance to practice their oral skills. And up until recently, most of the college foreign English teachers here were from Great Britain or Australia. Thus the students and the Chinese English teachers alike have beautiful written skills and an impressive vocabulary but need work on conversation. They have beautiful British accents and they speak a very formal English. A student may raise their hand to ask a question and will begin by saying, "I apologize for interrupting your class, but I must ask a question. Perhaps you would be kind enough to tell me ...... If it is too inconvenient for you to take the time now, perhaps I can make an appointment to see you". Imagine hearing that from an American student! At first, the students were having a real problem understanding me: I was their first experience with an American accent. That is one of the reasons that the school wanted me to teach here - to give the students the opportunity to study under an American teacher. While I teach a couple of conversation classes, the bulk of my teaching is in British and American History and Culture. And my Adult Class is primarily a class in Western Business. The difference in accents between American and their Chinese/British can have hilarious results. We were reading a story in class the other day and the whole class was reading it aloud. We came to a sentence: "The old man smiled." I heard them say it as "The old man smelled." (Try it - say "The old man smiled" with your best British accent!). I stopped them, laughed, and asked them to read it again. They did. Same result. So I said, "The old man may have smelled, but in the story he smiled!" Then they burst out laughing and understood my point. Later that night, we three teachers were having dinner and I told them what had happened. Teacher Donna said, "Oh Great! I gave them a poem to memorize and recite for tomorrow!". Here's the poem she had given them (read it aloud in your best Chinese/British accent): A smile is quite a funny thing
It wrinkles up your face.
And when it's gone you never find
Its secret hiding place And far more wonderful it is
To see what smiles do.
You smile at one, he smiles at you
And so one smile makes two Nevertheless, I admire these students immensely. The English language is a much harder language to learn than oral Chinese. In Chinese, for instance, there are no different verb forms and few verb tenses. They have no idea what conjugating verbs means until they study English - and then they have to learn all of these verb tenses, and how to conjugate verbs, and irregular verbs, etc. So the level that most of my students have achieved is remarkable. But then they are the brightest of the bright. Very few get the opportunity to attend college and admission to college is almost purely a function of how they score on the nationwide college entrance examination. Another thing I admire is their fortitude in their studies. After my Friday night class is over (at 8:00 p.m.) many students just stay in the classroom and pull out other materials and immediately begin doing their homework and studying (imagine American college students studying on a Friday night, much less an American college even scheduling a Friday night class). The students studying English go to great lengths to learn and improve. They come by my apartment because they want to practice speaking their English. One of the things that the students (middle school, college, and adults) have done is to have what they call English Corner. Basically, it's this deal where students and people from town who want to practice their English hang out for two hours every Thursday night and talk to each other in English. It's not an official school activity but about 80-100 people go to the lobby of the Language Arts Building every Thursday night at 7:00. They stand around in groups and converse in English. I have grown used to the quasi-celebrity-like reaction I get when I just walk into town to buy a pack of cigarettes or get a haircut. But when a real-live native English speaker from "Meiguo" (USA) walks through the lobby during English Corner - well, I feel like Shawn Kemp leaving the Gund after a ball game (and I feel about as tall, too!). I am immediately swarmed (and I mean swarmed). They will ask you questions. Those who don't just want to listen to you speak. Some want to show off their skills for the others. I have the great misfortune to have a class scheduled in the building during part of English Corner and when my class is over, the only way out of the building is through that teeming lobby. A couple of my students are now my bodyguards. They allow me about 10 minutes and then they come over and say loudly, "Oh Teacher Chuck! You have just been standing and teaching for the last two hours. Perhaps you are very tired. And you probably haven't eaten your supper yet. You must go and have supper before it gets too late." They have proven to be quite effective at handling the throngs. And needless to say, they have each earned "A"'s for the semester!
From Microsoft Encarta Online Encyclopedia: "Jinzhou, also Chin-chou or Chinchow, city, northeastern China, in Liaoning Province. It is a rail hub and industrial center on the narrow coastal plain between Beijing and industrialized northeastern China. Major manufactures include chemicals, machinery, electrical equipment, textiles, and processed food. Founded in the 2nd century BC, the city was important as a military and agricultural center until it developed into a textile and rail hub in the early 20th century. It was known officially as Chinhsien from 1913 to 1947 and was (1932-45) part of the Japanese-controlled state of Manchukuo. It became a center of heavy industry in the 1950s. Population (1990) 569,518. "
Three things which will probably be the biggest shock to Westerners - the toilets, the spitting and the cleanliness (all of them related, I guess). In many places (not in the tourist hotels and restaurants) the toilets are just holes in the ground that one squats over (see below). Many of these now have toilet paper but be sure to bring your own anyway. In some you put the toilet paper in receptacles next to the toilet. As a result of this whole toilet/disposal system, the bathrooms stink and often the stink permeates out into the rest of the building. For example, one of my classes is held in a building which also houses some dorm rooms for students. When I first walk in the building, I am hit by the smell of the bathrooms. I have (slowly) gotten used to this. Second, everyone spits. Everywhere. I have had students do it in class in the middle of my lectures. They also do the "hold one nostril blow the nose" thing. Again, I have gotten used to it. My colleague from Canada who has been here longer has yet to - but I spent a lot of time in basketball locker rooms when I was younger and it's about the same thing. In restaurants, if you are eating nuts or pitted fruits or something with bones, the Chinese will just spit it out on the floor - even in the better places. It's expected. The waiters will tell you to just put the shells on the floor which also doubles as an ashtray for those of us who smoke. As a result of all this, it's tough to keep places as clean as we are used to. In addition, this area of China still burns coal for it's power and pollution-control devices are few. (When I first got off the plane, the first thing that struck me was how the city smelled like Cleveland did 30 years ago.) So there quickly builds up this grit on the floors and streets. That is why carpeting is rare here. It is nowhere to be found on campus. The grit is bad. People spit everywhere. It would be impossible to keep the carpets clean. I also now understand why Asian custom of removing your shoes when you enter an apartment. As soon as I come home, the shoes come off and the sandals go on. But the floors still get dirty from the dust from outside (screens notwithstanding). I even have a pair of sandals for the bathroom because the tile floor is often wet (remember the whole bathroom serves as the shower stall) so I slip off the living room sandals and slip on the bathroom sandals. Last week I walked out of my 6-8 class to be greeted by the other two teachers and a black Lexus with tinted windows. It was Karaoke time again with Chen He the real estate developer/Karaoke King (mentioned in Chuck@China -1). We went back to his Karaoke Bar where we were joined by 6 or so local officials. It seems every high official in the city wants to meet the foreigners. Near the end two women walked in. One was very tall (about 5'11" - believe me that's tall here - I have seen only one man taller than her). I was told she owns one of the best restaurants in Jinzhou and had heard about the tall foreigner and wanted to meet him. She sat down next to me and at the next dance, she grabbed me (literally) and dragged me to the dance floor. Her friend was a very pretty professional singer who sang two karaoke songs while I was dragged around the dance floor by this woman who was delighted to have someone to dance with who was taller than she. It was yet another Chinese Surprise - karaoke-ing with the local officials and the tallest woman in Liaoning Province. This place is surprisingly open and absolutely no restrictions have been placed on us for anything. Customs was a joke. I walked through with three huge bags and didn't get a second glance. (I hadn't packed any coffee because I had read somewhere that you couldn't bring food in - big mistake - the absolute only coffee to be found in this large city is Nescafe in a jar - Nestle's rules the world). I occasionally miss American food. I cooked burgers and fries for us all last week - yes, real ground beef, a bottle of ketchup that we found at a "gourmet" market stand after a 3 mile walk (yes Mom! I did find ketchup here, so now you have no excuse not to visit!) and peeled, cut and french-fried potatoes. Woks make lousy hamburger frying pans but we do the best with what we have. Kerryn is going to attempt pancakes this weekend. Without maple syrup. Without fresh coffee to accompany it. C'est dommage.
MY TOP TEN LIST:
TEN THINGS WESTERN XENOPHOBES NEED TO KNOW ABOUT CHINA:10. Traffic laws do not exist. 9. "The Hole" - the ubiquitous Chinese "septic" system........................................................ A typical toilet in China.
Most don't have (nor smell like) the flowers
in this one or the English sign.
(No that's not a misspelling.
One doesn't sit on these, one squats.
One does, however, do the other thing).
Photo © carla king, 1998 8. If it grows it can be prepared and eaten - usually with amazingly superb results. 7. Traffic lights do - but offer neither protection nor guidance - they're optional. 6. Chinglish - the English translation of western words translated to Chinese and then back again (See following section). 5. If you need it, we will sell it. If you really need it now, "MEI YOU" (No have) [pronounced May Yoh] (See Chinglish below). 4. Spitting is de riguer - in the street, at table, in the market, in the classroom, ... anywhere. 3. Total strangers unfailingly ask you immediately upon meeting you: "How old are you?"; "How much money do you make?"; and "Why aren't you married?". "None of your business" is not considered an appropriate response. 2. Westerners provide a great source of amusement to the Chinese. Especially our height and our noses. You will be stared at no matter where you go or what you do. 
Photo Copyright © carla king, 1998
But Number 1 is . . . . . . 
The Old Man Smiled
1. When you are so tired of being stared at and "Hellooo'd" at, along will come a really kind person whose gentle smile and warm heart will ease you back into the good part of Life in China. The foreign shopper will hear the phrase "Mei You!" many times during his/her visit - in fact, many times in one day. It is pronounced "May Yoh". Literally, it translates as "Not have". "Mei You!" really means, depending on the context, situation and/or the disposition of the sales clerk: a. Don't have it.
b. We are out of that for the moment.
c. I cannot understand what you're asking for, therefore we don't have it.
d. We have it, but I don't want to sell it to you, foreigner!
e. We have it, but we don't want to sell it to you, foreigner unless you flash a lot of cash!
f. We have it, but we don't want to sell it to you right now since it is noon and we are closing until 2:00 for lunch and a nap.
g. We have it, but I don't know where it is and I don't want to look for it.
h. We don't have it and never will have it.
i. Get a clue, foreigner! Maybe we have it, maybe we don't! I just work here! Leave me alone! I just want to drink my tea and read my newspaper, so I'm going to pretend I can't understand you even though you are speaking Chinese. In other words, "Go away kid, you bother me!". Any of these are typical attitudes one encounters everyday in China's shops and stores. Which is why when China joins the WTO and foreign stores are allowed to enter China's market, it will be the western customer service aspect that will overwhelm China's stodgy, plodding, downright RUDE, retail marketplace. They will face a choice: lose their attitude or lose their business or their jobs. Then they will learn the real meaning of "Mei You". It is so rare to see anything written in Roman letters, much less the English language, that any time I run across something I am momentarily stunned. Yesterday, while walking down the street, the simple occurrence of someone up ahead of me wearing a "Knicks" jacket stopped me in my tracks. (Chicago Bulls and Michael Jordan stuff is everywhere so I am immune to it. But the Knicks? It just jumped out at me.) Foreign books are non-existent off-campus. There is one English language newspaper to be found in the city, but it is not sold anywhere. One must subscribe to it through the city post office. The one place you do see English words are on some products for sale in the stores. But I hesitate to say that they are "written" in English. Most Western products are not labeled in English, but rather Chinese. But their familiar logos are what are recognizable. Thus Coke and Sprite, though written in Chinese are easily found. But the Chinese love to put English words on some of their products thinking that they are being progressive and Western. The results are hilarious and sometimes disastrous. It is known to us as "Chinglish". Here is the process which results in Chinglish: (1) The ad writer decides to use a western concept in naming a product. (2) The company then affixes Chinese character or word for that concept as the name of the product. (3) An editor/translator with many years of Chinese training and a few basic English lessons then retranslates the Chinese character/word back to English. The new English translation is then likewise affixed to the product. It always seems to "get lost in the translation". Sometimes, though rarely, they at least get the spelling correct. Everyone has at one time or another received an item which was made in Asia and opened it up to find the instructions written in virtually unintelligible English. Now imagine living here and seeing this "Chinglish" almost everytime you read something that is written in English. (And believe me, after you've been here a while, you'll want to stop and read anything you see written in Roman letters. Here are some product names and places I have run across: - The Amusement City of Little World mentioned above in St. Patrick Comes to Jinzhou.
- Garish Cologne - [does it make you glare brightly as well as smell good?]. This is probably a good example of Chinglish. Someone probably thought, "Oh, let's name this something that shows it makes you feel light and bright. So they gave it the Chinese name for that concept. Then the translator looked up that word in the Chinese to English dictionary and found "Garish". "Ah, it must be so! So we'll call it Garish!". Makes you want to buy a whole case, doesn't it?
- Ham Burgers - [100 % ham, of course. On a bun. Actually looks more like Spam® on a bun. Topped off with a fried egg sunny side up. Try explaining (as I have to 3 different owners of so-called western restaurants that there is only one type of meat used in a hamburger- ground beef and that is named Hamburger, after the German town of Hamburg, not because it is made with ham. They all think I am lying to them or I don't know what I am talking about. I ask you, faithful readers. Has any one of you ever had an American hamburger made of a slice of pressed ham and a fried egg? Sandwiches yes, hamburgers, no. Get a clue owners. But hey, that's O.K. Most Americans think fortune cookies are Chinese. I've yet to see, much less hear of such a thing here and the few people I've asked are like, "Huh?!? What are those?"]
- The Special Hong Li Hum Burger -[Don't know what it's made of - or how they make it. Don't want to know. I won't go there.]
- Burger Munch - [the Chinese are fascinated by the Western fascination with burgers. Attach the word burger to anything and it will sell, even this bag of crackers shaped like little hamburgers and taste suspiciously like "Bugles".]
- Unchained Moreyo - [known in the West as the song Unchained Melody]
- Nice Notebooks - A brand name of notebooks. [The best (and only) spiral bound notebooks I have been able to find. Printed on the cover of each notebook is the following statement: "I always have it on me. Because it makes me feel so happy. And it makes wonderful things happen. This is the accessory for another beautiful day". (And I thought that all I was buying was a lousy notebook - at least they spelled "accessory" correctly.)]
- Edsel Weiss - Song from My Fair Lady listed on a Karaoke VCD [A Danish lullaby about a Jewish automobile?]
- A greeting card that says "Ducks are good at finding fun things to do" - [your guess is as good as mine].
I've got a million more. Maybe I'll write a book.
I'll close this edition of Chuck in China with a little Chinglish from another greeting card I saw: "It's people like you wonderful way
Who add so much pleasure to so many days...
It's people like you who remain very dear
And are thought of so fondly each of the year" --Author unknown
(but not any student of mine)
I couldn't have said it better myself................ 
Chuck
  
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